Are you broken? More than that, have you been broken by the very one you love the most, by the one you trusted the most, by the one who was never supposed to hurt you? Yes, I understand that pain. I’ve been crumpled to the floor with no strength to stand. I have screamed in agony and raged with my fists that I could not bear anymore. For most, they cannot see past the excruciating injuries inflicted upon them at the hand of another, but can I offer another perspective?
In all of your writhing, have you considered your part played in your circumstances? Was it your coldness that had your love seek another? What about bitterness or anger? Did those drive your spouse away? What about all the little things you said or did that showed disrespect, disgust, or disinterest through the years? Could you have left wounds just as deep?
So many Christian counselors, friends, and family seek an “innocent party” with whom to side. But, how innocent are you? Have you asked God that? What would He say? I could have easily justified my negative responses to my husband’s infidelity, but God wouldn’t let me focus on his sins without plopping ALL of mine in front of my face like a 2-ton boulder.
Did that stop the pain? Nope. However, it changed my perspective enough to catch just a glimpse of my husband’s pain, the deception he was under, and, ultimately, to bring forgiveness. It was only by God’s mercy that He let me see through His eyes. It was God’s grace that brought healing: first to pick me up off the floor, then to bring JW home, and finally to restore our marriage better than it has ever been before.
And what is left of that brokenness? We both wear scars from that time and from the 10 years of marriage prior, but there’s no more pain. Even now, there will be things that remind us of what once was. We discuss where we were, and are so grateful for where God has put us now. It seems like a different lifetime for both of us, almost like it wasn’t real…that’s how much the pain has faded.
I know how much you hurt now, but please trust me to know how much joy is to come. Stand strong!
Psalm 30:5 (NLT) For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.