For most of the 10 years we had been married, I actually did not wear my wedding rings. This was due to gaining so much weight they no longer fit anymore. Out of shame of my physical condition, I wouldn’t get them sized larger. Therefore, I would give the excuse that I knew I was married, it didn’t matter whether I wore them or not.

Well, it was coming up our tenth anniversary, and I wanted a diamond wrap to go around my engagement ring (yep, the one I didn’t even wear). So, I finally got my rings resized and went to go pick out a wrap. He wasn’t into doing this, but I stated, “I’ve said for years now that for our 10th anniversary I want a diamond jacket around my engagement ring. I don’t want to hear anything about it!” So, I got my ring and proudly showed it off. To this day, I cringe at my selfishness and entitled attitude toward my husband. 😦

Nine days after that 10th anniversary, my husband asked for a divorce. It took that for God to be able to reveal the true state of my heart. I saw all the selfishness and yuck that my husband desperately wanted to leave. After he left, I only felt disgust every time I looked down at those rings…disgust at myself. I was so ashamed of my demanding nature and all that I had done to destroy my marriage. That day, I took my rings off. I replaced them with just the simple band we had exchanged at our wedding. I was standing for my marriage. Something I had once thought so inconsequential, became the symbol for all that I was believing God could save.

Thankfully, God did restore our marriage. After my husband came back home, he asked me why I no longer wore the diamonds he had bought. I explained and shared the shame I felt. He told me that he felt the exact opposite for those rings. He told me that day he really didn’t want to buy me those rings. He felt it was a waste of money, and he couldn’t care less, but his feelings had changed so much. He was proud of those rings and all that they represented. He asked me to put them back on. I really didn’t want to, they held that much negative emotion for me, but I did because he asked it of me.

And you know what happened after I started wearing them again in a restored marriage? My shame melted away. Those little rings came to mean so much to both of us. So much so, we decided to add to them…

The Emerald band represents our son, our firstborn, conceived a month after my husband returned home. The Blue Topaz band represents our daughter, only 18 months younger than her brother. They were fashioned so we could add as many as the Lord so chooses… 😀

“This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘Write in a book all the words I have spoken to you.’” Jeremiah 30:2

Most of my life, I’ve been one to journal. It’s not always a daily thing, but I like to write stuff down. However, at the beginning of my stand, God led me to journal in a better way, and I still do it to this day. I take my notebook paper and fold it longways. Using that crease, I draw a line straight down the middle of the next page in my notebook. (That way, I don’t have to write on a folded piece of paper.)

Now I have a clean sheet with two columns. The left column is only reserved for scriptures God uses to answer me, or verses I’m pondering, etc. This works great for future reference when I’m trying to find a scripture I know God gave me or to lean on promises when the devil attacks!

The right column is for me: prayers, questions I have for God, personal thoughts, rantings, ravings…you get the idea.

What it looks like afterward is a conversation between you and God! I usually start journaling by unpacking my heart on the right side. As I’m writing, sometimes the Holy Spirit will whisper verses to me. I look them up and discover they’re exactly what I need, so I write them down on the left side. Sometimes, I finish my side of the conversation and just open the bible. It might take work on my part to delve, but God usually leads me to nuggets that speak to my heart.

There are days, just as in any relationship, where conversations are more one-sided. Some days God shows me things I just don’t understand, so I just write them down. Then, there are days God just lets me unload. It really has been a wonderful method.

As the time passes, you go back and look to see where you’ve been, how you used to feel, and what God has changed. That’s why it’s so important to date every entry. During my stand, I journaled so much during the day, I started time stamping it too! Some entries tend to stand out more than others, so I use the space at the top of the page to title it for quicker reference later. I’ve done this mostly for dreams God has given me that I’ve written out and want to go back and re-read later.

I encourage every single person to journal. It becomes a tangible witness of the work God is doing in your life. If you don’t like my method, that’s fine. Just find one that works for you. 🙂

God bless.