For most of the 10 years we had been married, I actually did not wear my wedding rings. This was due to gaining so much weight they no longer fit anymore. Out of shame of my physical condition, I wouldn’t get them sized larger. Therefore, I would give the excuse that I knew I was married, it didn’t matter whether I wore them or not.
Well, it was coming up our tenth anniversary, and I wanted a diamond wrap to go around my engagement ring (yep, the one I didn’t even wear). So, I finally got my rings resized and went to go pick out a wrap. He wasn’t into doing this, but I stated, “I’ve said for years now that for our 10th anniversary I want a diamond jacket around my engagement ring. I don’t want to hear anything about it!” So, I got my ring and proudly showed it off. To this day, I cringe at my selfishness and entitled attitude toward my husband. 😦
Nine days after that 10th anniversary, my husband asked for a divorce. It took that for God to be able to reveal the true state of my heart. I saw all the selfishness and yuck that my husband desperately wanted to leave. After he left, I only felt disgust every time I looked down at those rings…disgust at myself. I was so ashamed of my demanding nature and all that I had done to destroy my marriage. That day, I took my rings off. I replaced them with just the simple band we had exchanged at our wedding. I was standing for my marriage. Something I had once thought so inconsequential, became the symbol for all that I was believing God could save.
Thankfully, God did restore our marriage. After my husband came back home, he asked me why I no longer wore the diamonds he had bought. I explained and shared the shame I felt. He told me that he felt the exact opposite for those rings. He told me that day he really didn’t want to buy me those rings. He felt it was a waste of money, and he couldn’t care less, but his feelings had changed so much. He was proud of those rings and all that they represented. He asked me to put them back on. I really didn’t want to, they held that much negative emotion for me, but I did because he asked it of me.
And you know what happened after I started wearing them again in a restored marriage? My shame melted away. Those little rings came to mean so much to both of us. So much so, we decided to add to them…
The Emerald band represents our son, our firstborn, conceived a month after my husband returned home. The Blue Topaz band represents our daughter, only 18 months younger than her brother. They were fashioned so we could add as many as the Lord so chooses… 😀