I was sharing with someone the other day how I gladly share our story to people, yet I’m still careful who I share with, because I don’t want anyone to look down on or think badly of my husband. It can be so easy to blame him for infidelity, yet I pointed out to this person that my sins of anger, control, manipulation, and disrespect toward my husband for the 10 years of marriage before he left, was no less evil in the sight of God.
Honestly, I believe that’s God’s first step in marriage restoration: revealing our equal part in the breakdown of our marriages. So many want to blame their spouse for all the sins and injustices done to them in the marriage, yet it’s God’s grace and mercy that reveals OUR sins to us. Think about it. Isn’t it better for God to reveal our sins to us here on earth so we can repent, rather than die in our sins only thinking of our spouse’s faults? I think so, and so I’m grateful for that night.
I remember it like yesterday. My husband had sent me a letter requesting a divorce and all his reasons for wanting it, while he was gone to work. I cried and was so sorry for the way he felt. But later that night God showed me my sins like scenes of our life together flashing before my eyes. I couldn’t look away, and I couldn’t blame anyone else. God was so clearly reminding me of all the things I had done wrong in my marriage to my husband. That night, I asked for forgiveness from God, but it would take much longer to receive forgiveness from my husband.
I don’t want anyone to ever think I’m some sort of saint for sticking with my husband after infidelity, because I know it was my sins that drove him to that point. Neither of us were right in the things we did to each other. But when we are able to see that, God can fill us with so much compassion for the other that healing can begin. No more bitterness. No more anger. Just compassion and mercy, because we know we need it too!
I pray this helps someone let God open their eyes so healing can begin for them too.
P.S. In the early days of restoration, my husband once told me something at a time I doubted his love for me, since I was suffering from low self esteem after he ended everything with the other woman. He said, “You know the verse: ‘He who’s forgiven much loves much?’ That’s how I feel about you.” I never doubted his love after that, because I knew exactly how he felt. And we still feel that way to this day.