Genesis 9:20-27 (NET) Noah, a man of the soil, began to plant a vineyard. When he drank some of the wine, he got drunk and uncovered himself inside his tent. Ham, the father of Canaan, saw his father’s nakedness and told his two brothers who were outside. Shem and Japheth took the garment and placed it on their shoulders. Then they walked in backwards and covered up their father’s nakedness. Their faces were turned the other way so they did not see their father’s nakedness. When Noah awoke from his drunken stupor he learned what his youngest son had done to him. So he said, “Cursed be Canaan! The lowest of slaves he will be to his brothers.” He also said, “Worthy of praise is the LORD, the God of Shem! May Canaan be the slave of Shem! May God enlarge Japheth’s territory and numbers! May he live in the tents of Shem and may Canaan be his slave!”
During the time my husband was in the far country, I had a precious friend share this reference with me in light of honoring my husband, rather than sharing all his sins with anyone who would listen.
I was hurt and, at times, I was angry. I had a right to shed light on wrongs my husband was committing against me. After all, I wasn’t the one choosing the divorce. I wasn’t the one in adultery…blah, blah, blah. Yes, we can choose to be Ham, the one who reveals others’ shame. We can call our spouses ugly names. We can put down their character. We can do a lot of things, but it didn’t end well for Ham, and it won’t end well for us. If you can’t even speak well of your spouse while they are gone, how do you think restoration will go? Instead, we can choose to be Shem or Japheth, who were honored for covering Noah’s indiscretions. Show your husband respect by speaking well of him. Demonstrate love to your wife by not sharing all her faults to the world. To these things a wayward spouse wants to come back.
I’ll be honest with you, I only ever told a handful of people about what was going on with my husband at the time. But even the few that did know, I wish didn’t after our restoration. I honestly didn’t want people to judge him or to think badly of him for what he had done, when I KNEW my sins of anger and lack of submission, etc. were just as awful in the eyes of God!
Remember: Be careful about what you share or how you speak to others about your spouse. This is the person you are believing God to bring back into your life. You don’t want ill-will or shame to be another hurdle to overcome when God fulfills His promises to you!
Proverbs 11:13 (BBE) He who goes about talking of others makes secrets public, but the true-hearted man keeps things covered.
Here’s a disclaimer I feel inclined to share: Some might wonder why I would warn others about sharing too much when I write a blog about the very same things. Admittedly, there is a huge difference in where my husband and I are now, versus when he was in the Far Country or during our marriage restoration process. During those times, emotions run high and everything is so delicate and raw. Healing is taking place in an open wound. We started this blog at the end of our healing process. We believe that the last part of healing and the beginning of being completely healed is sharing God’s work in our lives. It takes a lot to be open and honest with people about our failings, but we must be able to, to share God’s richest grace and mercies. I hope you can see the difference. And to be frank, even now, we don’t just tell everyone we meet all that we’ve done and been through. We let God open doors to share. After all, it’s His great story written on our lives! 😍