There’s a Christian movie I like called, “Marriage Retreat.” There’s a poignant scene at the end that changed my way of thinking. In it, the husband tells his wife that he knows when he messes up. He doesn’t need her to keep telling him. When she does, it just makes him feel bad about himself!

In 2012, I learned that I am no one’s Holy Spirit, especially my husband’s. I can’t reveal truth to people. I can share truth, but it is only the Holy Spirit that opens peoples’ hearts to receive it. So, I learned to “zip my lips” as Charlyne Steinkamp says. For anyone who knows my-very-opinionated self, this was hard!  But you know how God made it easier for me to swallow? He revealed that what God does lasts forever. I can’t do that. What I do just falls apart and becomes a mess even with good intentions. I wanted God to do it. I wanted His changes in my life, in my husband’s life, and in our marriage to last forever! So I learned then, it’s best to give it to Him. Nothing is impossible for Him. 

I realized watching that scene from the movie that I didn’t want anyone reminding (or nagging) me about my faults/sins/mistakes. I, too, know when I make them. Why on earth should I do that to another?

1 Peter 3:1-4 (NKJV) Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward–arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel–rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

Here are some songs on my playlist that build me up no matter what my circumstances are! I hope they encourage you as well!!

“It’s Not Over,” by Ricardo Sanchez 

“God Restores,” by Dynamic Praise

“Restore,” by Chris August

“Fall Apart,” by Josh Wilson

“Blessings,” by Laura Story

“Rise,” by Josh Garrels

“Heal this Home,” by Luminate

“Lead Me,” by Sanctus Real

“The Hurt & The Healer,” by MercyMe

“I Am Not Alone,” by Kari Jobe

“Forever,” by Kari Jobe

“Holy Spirit,” by Kari Jobe

“From the Inside Out,” by Phillips, Craig, & Dean

“Voice of Truth,” by Casting Crowns

“When God Ran,” by Phillips, Craig, & Dean

“Praise You in the Storm,” by Casting Crowns

“Oceans (Where Feet May Fail),” by Hillsong United

“Forever Reign,” by Kristian Stanfill

“Mercy Tree,” by Lacey Sturm

“The Stand,” by Kristian Stanfill

“Christ is Risen,” by Matt Maher

“God’s Not Dead,” by Newsboys

“Redeemer,” by Nicole C. Mullen

“I Will Praise the Lord,” by Ray Boltz

“Psalm 121,” from My Utmost for His Highest

“Even If,” by Kutless

“While I’m Waiting,” by John Waller

“The Battle,” By Eddie James & Phoenix Mass Choir

“At the Foot of the Cross (Ashes to Beauty),” by Kathryn Scott

“God is in Control,” by Twila Paris

“Holy,” by Greg Long

“In the Waiting,” by Greg Long

“Thirst for You,” by Cece Winans

“Beauty from Pain,” by Superchick

“Beauty for Ashes,” by Crystal Lewis

“Almost Morning,” by Joseph Habedank or The Perrys

“Stand in the Rain,” by Superchick

“What I Know,” by Tricia Brock

“You Are My Shepherd,” by Tricia Brock

“Broken for Love’s Sake,” by Tricia Brock

“I Lift My Hands,” by Chris Tomlin 

“Break Every Chain,” by Jesus Culture

“Dance Again,” from Life Worship

“Multiplied,” by NEEDTOBREATHE

“God is Able,” by Smokie Norful

“I Understand,” by Smokie Norful

“Even So Come,” by Chris Tomlin

“Overwhelmed,” by Big Daddy Weave

“God Will Make a Way,” by Don Moen

“Great I Am,” by Phillips, Craig, & Dean

Please let me known if any of my links don’t work…it was a long list!

Someone asked my husband about the double mindedness of a prodigal. Here’s his response:
James 1:8 says that a double minded man is unstable in all his ways, and unstable is exactly where your spouse is. I wanted desperately to come home in one sense, because it was the only peace I could truly find. Yet at the same time, I thought I had “done too much” or “wandered too far,” and I couldn’t forgive myself. I didn’t feel like I deserved to come home or to be received by my wife. I thought I had to continue on the path that I started because in my mind nothing would ever be the same again. I also never thought that the change that I was seeing in my wife was permanent. It wasn’t logical nor was it the woman that I had been married to the previous 10 years. Consistently being received with love, consistently seeing Christ in my wife, consistently finding an attitude of unconditional forgiveness and compassion is what won the battle. And those things came by the Holy Spirit working in my wife’s life. Just as Jesus is faithful to forgive us, and He is full of mercy, grace and love, so a stander must be immersed in Him, put away their own flesh, and show those same things to the prodigal spouse. How many times have we returned with our head hung to our Lord, full of shame, yet found Him with open arms ready to separate our sin from us as far as the East is from the West if we only repent? Keep standing and following His example.

God can be crushing somebody on the inside and there be no visible evidence. – Lee Thomas

I like the way this is worded. God does “crush” us, but did you know that is an amazing thing? Did you know henna (as in the stuff from henna tattoos) is a plant from the bible? It has a fragrant flower and its leaves are used for making dye. However, just touching the leaves won’t stain the skin. The leaves are useless until they are crushed to produce the stain. Ironically, the stain is deep red-brown. Reminds me of our Savior’s blood. 

Isaiah 53:5 (NIV) But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.

We should expect no less “crushing” by the Father’s hand, if we are to look like Jesus.

Romans 8:18 (NKJV) For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

Jeremiah 32:42 (NKJV) “For thus says the LORD: ‘Just as I have brought all this great calamity on this people, so I will bring on them all the good that I have promised them.

Job 1:21 (NKJV) And he said: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked shall I return there. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD.”

Sorrow/suffering is our curse of sin. We disobeyed and live under the curse of God. Yet He takes that very curse to fulfill His purpose: If we don’t know Him, we suffer because it’s His mercy to draw us to know Him. If we are His, then we suffer to be made more like Him. This answer is why most perceive a cruel God and choose to never follow Him. However, they’ll never understand His vast love for us that works to keep us from staying in the sin that would eternally separate us from Him! What will be your response to suffering?

I love what I learned from Bible Study Fellowship: “Intimacy with God is lost by sin, but it’s regained through suffering.”

Revelation 21:4 (NKJV) “And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

Genesis 50:20 (NIV) You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

Romans 5:20 (NKJV) Moreover the law entered that the offense might abound. But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more

There’s been a question raised about how the prodigal compares the stander to the other person.

My Answer: I’ve been thinking about this, and I remember this fear very well. While in the Far Country, my husband said the OW was the most beautiful woman ever. He said she was everything he ever wanted. My bruised heart cried out to God, “How am I ever to compete with that!” But the Father comforted me and continually reminded me that He would fight this battle for me! I remember one time, the Holy Spirit whispered to me, “He wants you; he wants to come home.” Looking back at journals, I now know that was right before my husband came back home to stay! God knows what’s really happening on the other side of that mountain. Don’t believe the lies Satan speaks to you. It’s all just smoke and mirrors.

I admitted my fears and feelings of inadequacy to my husband after he came back home. Do you know what? He was completely shocked! I saw it in his face. I remember him explaining how he truly felt. He told me that when he looks at me he sees something more beautiful than anything physical: a forgiving spirit and a loving heart. He told me that I had stood by him when he was at his absolute worst and that made me more beautiful than I had ever been and more than anybody else! He also confessed that those things he had felt in the Far Country were false and not to be believed. Again, he asked for forgiveness. That conversation relieved my fears and healed my wounded heart.

Proverbs 31:30 (NIV) Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

My husband’s Answer: Pro 31:10-12 “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” There is no comparing a godly wife to a woman (adulteress) who is living in sin. Though she may be appealing in whatever way, she is constantly putting demands on the prodigal husband. Such as “if you keep talking to her (your wife) that’s going to be it for us”or “if you don’t hurry up and get a divorce, I’m going to leave you” and so on. Whether this OW is a believer or not, she is playing the role of the adulteress we are warned about in Proverbs. She is jealous and afraid of losing her new found man back to his wife, so there is constant turmoil, stress and contention no matter how much “at peace” your prodigal claims to be. However the godly wife/stander, being found in prayer, love, forgiveness, faithfulness and with the willingness to stand through thick and thin far surpasses that of the OW. There is no comparison in any way. Sometimes it takes time for the prodigal to see this in the beginning, but as I mentioned before, being consistent in your walk with Christ and following His example is what wins the battle. There is no substitute or comparison for a godly covenant wife. She is far more precious than jewels.

Deuteronomy 1:29-31 “Then I said to you, ‘Do not be in dread or afraid of them. The LORD your God who goes before you will himself fight for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness, where you have seen how the LORD your God carried you, as a man carries his son, all the way that you went until you came to this place.”

Fasting is a vital part of the Christian walk. It, ultimately, is surrendering your physical needs (flesh) to seek the Lord (Spirit). I picture in my mind emptying a vessel filled with trash for actual use. We must empty our flesh out for God to fill us with His word, will, and way. Scriptures give us many examples/commands for fasting. This was just a quick topical study, so I encourage all to actively seek further information regarding fasting.

1. Jesus did it. Matthew 4:2. Jesus fasted for 40 days. He knew His time for testing was coming. Satan was around the corner seeking to devour the very Son of God. Jesus prepared Himself through prayer and fasting. Fasting declares, “I don’t care what my physical needs are! I need God! I want all flesh to be removed, so Christ can fill me!”
2. It empowers. Matthew 17:21. Jesus said there were certain spirits that  could only be removed through prayer and fasting. This means we have to pray and fast to be prepared for full battle. I’ve seen firsthand how cunning the devil is, I don’t want to be caught off guard by strong spirits. If fasting makes us more effective in God’s army, then we should be fasting!
3. God speaks through it. Acts 10:30 & 13:2. Cornelius had a vision & Barnabas and Saul were sent out as missionaries. We fast…God speaks.
4. It brings understanding. Daniel 10. Daniel had fasted and sought the Lord for understanding for these overwhelming visions. It took Michael, the angel, fighting through the heavenlies to get there, but he came to speak to Daniel and encourage him.
5. God moves after it. II Chronicles 20:3. The bible is full of examples of God’s mighty hand moving after fasts. Here, He fights the battle for the Hebrews after they fast. When I fast, I want to see God’s hand move!!
6. It’s expected. Matthew 6: 16-18. Jesus explains what our fasts should look like. In I Corinthians 7:5, we’re told to only separate from our spouses for a time of prayer and fasting.

It’s like water baptism. I don’t really understand all the reasons for it, I just know that it’s important. It’s spiritual “stuff” I don’t fully grasp, but I don’t have to understand to obey. If it’s important to God, shouldn’t it be important to us?