Author: marriageisacovenant

Our Testimony to Rejoice Marriage Ministries

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Dear Charlyne,

My husband told me that I need to share our testimony, because it will bless your heart. I know he’s right, and I know it will bless the hearts of many Standers as well. So here it goes:

After 10 years of marriage, my husband asked for a divorce. I was devastated, but it took this to utterly break me before God. That night, I didn’t go to sleep, but the Lord led me to scripture after scripture. I finally fell to my knees before my own sin. I couldn’t look away, blame, or give excuse for all the selfishness, pride, disrespect, disobedience, and rebellion that I had lived in for all 10 years of our marriage. Instead of feeling anger or betrayal toward my husband, I saw exactly the unlovable person I had been asking him to love all these years and I understood. The Lord changed me that night. I didn’t become a different person overnight, but each day God would strip away another layer. Immediately, He led me to a group of women who were standing for their marriages! They led me to Rejoice Marriage Ministries where I learned that I was a “Stander,” and my husband was a “Prodigal.” (Luke 15) I loved that! It was so apt.

I believed my husband when he said there wasn’t another woman, but the Lord was preparing me for a different story. After a month of standing, the Lord was asking me if I would stand even in infidelity. See, God knew the hardness of my heart. If I had initially known my husband had found someone else, I would have never been broken. I would have raged against my husband and would have felt justified as I took everything he had. But then, I would have never stood in the gap for my husband’s soul either. Now, I know that everyone around me knew about the other woman, but wouldn’t tell me. That was God. It took His work in me and gentle nudges to show me what His marriage covenant really means. As you know, that covenant made before Him has no stipulations. I did not vow to love until my husband cheated. I did not accept a ring only until my husband’s love disappeared. I vowed until death, and God was holding me to that vow. It didn’t matter that it was the worst day of my life when my husband finally told me about the OW, or that the next day was the hardest day of my life when I helped my husband move out. I believed that God would bring him back. All of this, my husband knew, but he wouldn’t “come to his senses” for a while yet.

I was commanded by God to do 4 things:

1. To stand: When I was so overwhelmed with how determined my husband was in pursuing this divorce, I told God that I didn’t want to fight this battle and I didn’t want to have to try to find a Christian lawyer to defend my stand. God spoke 2 Chronicles 20 to me and let me know quickly that I wouldn’t have to find a lawyer, nor would I have to fight this battle. It was HIS battle, and He was going to win it for me!

2. To wait: I thought this meant that I would have to wait for my husband to come home, but God said I was to wait on Him and the work He was going to do in our lives.

3. To be silent: Whew! If you only knew me, you’d know how nearly impossible this is! But God was working and nothing is impossible for Him (Luke 1:37). I tried so many times to reason with my husband and point out what God was showing me, but it wasn’t my place and it only hardened my husband’s heart toward me. Through this, God showed me that I am nobody’s Holy Spirit. I can’t convict, and I can’t change a person’s mind. That is God’s job, but He showed me that what He does lasts forever, so I’m glad I can’t change anyone…it wouldn’t last. God told me that no man could change my husband. HE was the only one that could change my husband and I needed to let HIM work!

4. To be still: This was the hardest command. As my husband progressed in the Far Country, I saw the state of his soul. I couldn’t believe a born-again believer could believe the lies Satan was telling him. Satan takes the Word of God and twists it to fit what the flesh wants, which you, Charlyne, taught me only leads to doing the will of Satan (2 Tim. 2:26)! My husband was trying to find biblical justification for all of his actions and what his flesh wanted. Obviously, he couldn’t, but he gave it his best effort. Needless to say, and he finally admitted it after he came home, he was miserable out in the Far Country, even though he told me then how “peaceful” he was! (Standers, don’t believe anything your Prodigal says!) There were many days I would lie on the floor in our home begging God to release me from this stand. I didn’t want my husband anymore after seeing where Satan had taken him. I didn’t want a man who would cheat on me. I didn’t want any of this! But God would let me rant and rave, then remind me of ALL the promises He’d given me and remind me that this path, though excruciating, was His best for me…I wonder if God doesn’t fight dirty sometimes! LOL! Daily, I had to surrender my will to Him, believing He knows what’s best.

Eventually my husband sent me an email that said he believed God had finally answered him and he decided to end the relationship with the other woman. I was amazed and the day after that email, the Holy Spirit told me to rejoice. Ah, but Satan wasn’t done yet! A few days later, I discovered that my husband was still talking to the OW and was beginning to doubt coming home. As the days drew closer, my husband was determined that he wasn’t coming home and may never come back home! I was prepared for false starts thanks to your ministry, but the Lord reminded me that HE had told me to rejoice. So instead of me telling everyone that my husband wasn’t coming home after all, I would say “He says he’s not coming home…” Our God has a bigger plan, and thankfully, He’s greater than man (Job 33:12). I invited my husband to our house for dinner the night he came in from offshore. Although he resisted, he finally agreed to come. I had a vision to run to him when he came home, just as the Father did for the Prodigal. When my husband pulled in, he parked in the back of our yard to collect one of his trailers. I ran across our yard in my bare feet smiling the whole way. When I got to him, I jumped into his arms and bear-hugged him. He was laughing and smiling. He says now, that when he saw me do that he knew he wouldn’t be able to leave! 🙂 That night he kept trying to leave, but God wouldn’t let him. I told him that I understood if he couldn’t stay…I knew God would bring him home! Finally, after watching him wrestle to the point of exhaustion, he started drifting off to sleep on the couch. I told him to come to bed, but he said he had to do something first. He went out to his truck where he left his cell phone and texted the OW that he was staying home. Now I understand the struggle: she had told him that if he ever came back home, they were over. She ranted over texts, but he just turned his phone off and came inside. That was the night my husband came home and slept in his own bed with his own wife. He’s told me that was the first sound night of sleep he had through all of it! I have to admit, Charlyne, the restoration of our marriage has been more difficult than even the standing. But God has reminded me that He is still working on the other side of that mountain, and He’s not done yet. He’s only just beginning to work! I want to encourage other Standers, that God doesn’t work the way we think or expect. His ways are higher than our ways and our thoughts are not His thoughts (Is. 55:8-9). I thought my husband would be broken much the same way I was, but it’s been a slow process with God revealing His Truth in doses. I’m still learning to obey those 4 things God commanded me. Just because my husband is home and our marriage is better than it has ever been, doesn’t change where we’ve been and who we are to become. I will forever be a Stander for my husband and our marriage.

Now for the “special” blessing I’ve saved for last. God gave me a lot of promises while my husband was in the Far Country, and I look forward to God fulfilling every single one of them. The first promise He’s answered is the return of my husband. The second promise was confirmed yesterday. What I didn’t tell you, Charlyne, is that for 10 years I have been barren. However, God promised me double and with that came the promise of children. We are pregnant with our first child! Standing and restoration has been hard, but I still believe my God is greater and He knows what’s best! “Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her!” – Luke 1:45

Thank you, Charlyne, for Rejoice Marriage Ministries. You and Bob have been used by God to forever change my life, and the life of my husband. God has also used you to change our family tree and, as Malachi 2:15 says, to produce “godly seed.” We love you!

*** Update 2015 ***

Since this writing, God has fulfilled His promise of a double portion He gave to me while JW was in the Far Country. We not only have a son, Ian, but also a daughter, Ariel! 🙂

Isaiah 61:7 (KJV) 7 For your shame [ye shall have] double; and [for] confusion they shall rejoice in their portion: therefore in their land they shall possess the double: everlasting joy shall be unto them.

***Update 2016***

The Father continues to bless this couple once considered barren and infertile! We have a second daughter, Annelise. Her name means, “Graced by God’s bounty,” because we have been! 😉

****2024****

I realize I’ve never updated the family to include Isaac, born in 2019, in the middle of Ariel’s leukemia journey. So I guess the promise of double would be the 4 kids given to the 2 people who desperately needed God to change them!

Just Push

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A man was sleeping at night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light and God appeared. The Lord told the man he had work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin. The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might. So this is what the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sun up to sun down, pushing with all of his might against the seemingly immovable rock. Each night the man returned to his cabin sore and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain. Sensing his weariness, Satan began placing thoughts into his mind: “You have been pushing against that rock for a long time, and it hasn’t moved. You are wasting your time.” The man became discouraged, thinking that the task was impossible and that he was a failure.

The man thought, “All this work is getting me nowhere. I’ll just put in my time, giving the minimum effort and that will be good enough.” And that is what he did until one day he decided to take this matter to the Lord in prayer. “Lord,” he said, “I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged that rock by half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I failing?”

 The Lord responded compassionately, “My friend, when I asked you to serve Me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all of your strength, which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push. Now you come to Me tired and despaired, thinking that you have failed. Is that really so? Look at yourself. Your arms and shoulders are strong and muscled, your back brawny and brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure and your legs have become massive and hard. Through resistance you have grown strong without realizing the transformation in yourself. Yet you have not moved the rock. But your calling was to be obedient, to push against the rock in faith, trusting in My wisdom that what I have asked you to do is for your benefit.

 “You have done well, my Son. Now I will move the rock.”

Author Unknown

Responsibilities

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One thing I know now looking back is that neither one of us was without fault with what was going on in the other’s life. We acted like we were independent and pointed fingers of blame as if we were, but we both carried the responsibility of each other. It’s my responsibility to protect my wife and our family by first protecting myself and keeping those spiritual doors shut to things of the flesh, and it’s her responsibility to continually pray for me to do so. And it’s both of our responsibility to model that for our children. That’s why when temptation comes, I pull up my pictures of my babies and say, “Nope, I got more important reasons than myself, and I do not want to return down that road ever again.” I also believe that because my wife continually prays for me that I have a much easier ability to overcome. Her prayers and supplications on my behalf are very important to me and I greatly appreciate it.

John Wesley 

Power of a Praying Wife

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JW is 35 with a family history of heart disease and diabetes. His dad was 40 when he was even born, and when JW was 16, his dad worked all day long thinking he could beat how bad he felt. JW came home from school with an ambulance taking his dad to the hospital for a massive heart attack. His dad survived and is, thankfully, still around today, but with a heart that works at only 30% capability. His dad has never been able to work full time again and, honestly, never believed he’d live as long as he has.

Because of that day and the toll it took on his family, John Wesley has always valued time spent with his dad. However, I know it’s also worried him about his own health, especially now that we have small children. He’s been faithful for the past few years to take red yeast rice and krill oil daily. However, since our kids have arrived, he’s struggled with his weight and working out. (Aside: I’m not judging. He’s in better shape than I am after having 2 kids in 2 years!)

In 2012, I read “The Power of a Praying Wife,” by Stormie Omartian while JW was in the far country and after he came back home. In it, she describes praying for her husband’s needs and watching The Lord answer her prayers. It’s a wonderful resource for all wives. Through all we’ve journeyed, I’ve learned two things: God is bigger than anything else and He answers prayer. So, I started praying for my husband’s health. Because I want him around a very long time, I specifically pray, “Lord, let no cancer, diabetes, or heart disease enter his body, EVER, in Jesus’ name.”

Today, JW went to have a cardiac screening done. His cholesterol levels are around the same as those of a person who exercises 3 days a week!  His chance of having a cardiac problem in the next 10 years is .9% with a lifetime chance at 5%! His glucose levels are normal, and he was told he didn’t have to get checked again till he’s 40 since his numbers were so great!!!

Now, we know tomorrow is promised to no man, and JW could go any day just like everyone else. But, I KNOW God is answering my prayers! God will answer your prayers too. There is power in prayer and it’s an honor He bestows on us. 

God bless,

Jenn 

The “Escape Clause”

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We’ve had people ask us about Matthew 5:32 & 19:9:

Matthew 5:32 (NKJV) “But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

Matthew 19:9 (NKJV) “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”

First, do these verses allow for divorce in the case of adultery? And can the “innocent spouse” then remarry?

Ok. There’s a lot to discuss here. These two verses, at first, appear to mean that if my spouse commits adultery, I have the freedom to divorce him. I thought this at first too, until the Lord forced me to delve deeper.

First, look at verse 5:28. Jesus literally just got done saying any man that looked at a woman lustfully has committed adultery. Um, if we applied adultery as the exception clause in verse 32, then every woman has the freedom to divorce her husband! So, that’s a no.

Second, look at the Greek word Jesus uses here for sexual immorality. It’s porneia, as in fornication, not the word for adultery. The Jews would understand this because Jesus is referencing the Jewish custom of the bretrothal period. This period recognizes a brethrothed couple as husband and wife prior to consummation and ceremony because a ketubah covenant has been established. It was during this time, if a “spouse” was found unfaithful, you had the right to “divorce” them. This explains why Joseph had the right to “divorce” Mary when he discovered she was pregnant prior to their marriage (Matthew 1:19).

Third, there is no escape clause except death because of what marriage represents: the covenant between God and Israel and Christ and the church. The Jews were highly unfaithful, yet God would not leave her. Look at Hosea. He was used as this very example. His wife prostituted herself, yet was told to go get her back! That’s God’s way…that’s covenant. This is why I also believe Jesus continues on right after in verse 5:33 “Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform your oaths to the Lord.’ It seems as if Jesus is moving on to another topic, but He’s not. He’s confirming that when we marry, it is a covenant, an oath to God for life.

Finally, there’s the issue of forgiveness. You cannot say I forgive your infidelity, but I’m going to divorce you anyway. Divorce is unforgiveness. And how can we expect God to forgive us of our sins when we cannot forgive the one person we are to love most? Matthew 6:15 (NKJV) “But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

No one should pull one verse of scripture out of context from what’s being said before and after it. Nor, can anyone interpret scripture without incorporating the totality of scripture and the nature of God. Satan used scripture, but pulled it away from God’s design by twisting it’s truth. Let us not be found guilty of this very same thing. There are many scriptures that make this very clear, and I encourage all to delve deeper into these as well:

1 Corinthians 7:10-11 (NKJV) Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.

Mark 10:9 (NKJV) “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Romans 7:2-3 (NKJV) For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man.

Because of all these reasons and passages from God’s Word, we believe divorce is not allowed in any case, and if you find yourself divorced against your will, then you MUST NOT remarry.

I also recommend John Piper’s sermons on divorce and remarriage:
http://www.desiringgod.org/sermons/by-topic/divorce-remarriage

Wall Jumping

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Proverbs 18:19 (KJV)
A brother offended [is harder to be won] than a strong city: and [their] contentions [are] like the bars of a castle.

2 Samuel 22:30 (KJV) 30 For by thee I have run through a troop: by my God have I leaped over a wall.

Joshua 6:5 (KJV) 5 And it shall come to pass, that when they make a long [blast] with the ram’s horn, [and] when ye hear the sound of the trumpet, all the people shall shout with a great shout; and the wall of the city shall fall down flat, and the people shall ascend up every man straight before him.

I was reminded of this recently:
A brother (or spouse) offended is not easily won. I think of a strong walled city during times of war that’s nearly impossible to overtake.
I remember John Wesley had erected walls in his heart toward me. Ironically, we would talk about them long before he ever left. He didn’t know how we could ever tear them down. Guess what? WE couldn’t (duh), and eventually JW found someone else and left. After he left, The Lord showed me 2 Sam 22:30. I knew HE would give me the ability to “leap” over the walls erected around JW’s heart!
Soon before JW came back home, The Lord gave me the Jericho story. He told me to prepare myself, to follow His instructions, and the walls of JW’s heart would fall flat!
Just now, I asked JW if he still felt any remnant of those walls left. His response: “If there is, God will have to show me, because I don’t believe there is.”
Don’t give up. Obey God. Your miracle will follow.
I love you all,
Jenn

God’s P.S.
He showed me this a day after this post:

Psalms 18:28-29 For You will light my lamp; The LORD my God will enlighten my darkness. For by You I can run against a troop, By my God I can leap over a wall.
🙂 Thank You, Father.

Two Roads

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Jenn:

Was thinking about hwys 49 & 59 today. They are both roads that head north, but they head in two different directions. One gets you to Meridian, another to Jackson. But then I thought about what if two roads ran completely parallel to each other? Perfectly straight side by side. But even in that circumstance those two roads would never reach the same destination. May even end up in same town, but two opposite sides of it. The only way for two roads to reach the same destination would be to converge into one.
Marriage is just like that. You got two ppl who say they’re both heading north, when in fact they’re heading in two totally different directions. Then you got those that run parallel to each other. They think they’re side by side, yet still on differing paths leading to opposite sides of a destination. Only when two ppl merge into one path, does the destination become single and resolute.

John Wesley:

I think this is a very good analogy.

-The first example, the couple is unequally yoked. They have their own agendas, their own jobs, their own bank account, basically they lead two separate lives and in the end, their marriage ends in divorce. They are living in sin, and putting themselves first instead of their spouse and family.

-The second example, the couple has the same goals, and they are equally yoked. They are both headed to the same destination but they have let the cares of the world, whether work, money or children, keep them divided. One day they wake up, their children are gone from home, and they look at each other and they have lost their love for each other and barely know each other. Often these are the marriages where after 20 or 25 years, suddenly the couple gets divorced and goes their separate ways, however that is not always the case, but it happens too often.

-The third example is what we must strive for. To be one and not let the cares of the world deceive us or divide us, but to walk hand in hand as one person until we reach the goal. This is the example set for us by Christ and how we must represent Him in our marriage.